Wrapper: Ecuadorian Connecticut
Binder: U.S. Connecticut
Filler: Dominican, Peruvian
Size: 7 x 52 Torpedo
Strength: Medium
Price: $15.00 (As low as $5.00 online)
OK. I’m a sucker. I saw these for sale at Famous Smoke. A limited edition of only a release of 30,000 cigars. $160 for 12 sticks. Famous has them for $55. Instead of thinking, “Why is a two-year-old limited edition still for sale two years later from a lot of online stores? The commonsense answer is it’s a dog. But I read one esteemed review that gave the cigar a big thumbs up. I fucked up and believed him. I pulled the trigger. I left a nice comment on the esteemed site, and they ran for the hills and immediately closed the comment section, excluding my polite and complimentary comment.
Many stores are selling them for full price. Others have dropped the price a small amount. Famous needs to get rid of their stock and is giving them away to any fool like me.
Davidoff is strictly hit or miss for me. Sometimes, I’m blown away by their overpriced blends…and other times, I can’t believe they produced an overpriced piece of bat guano.
I should add that this cigar has been reviewed several times starting at the release period in 2019 and as recently as this year. No one disliked it. But descriptions were weak and unconvincing.
Now you know what road this review will be traveling.
BACKGROUND:
From Halfwheel.com (9-26-2019):
“The latest from Davidoff of Geneva USA’s collaboration with UR New York will go on sale tonight at an event at the Davidoff of Geneva since 1911 store in Brooklyn.
“It is a 7 x 52 torpedo that uses an Ecuadorian Connecticut wrapper over a Connecticut binder and fillers from the Dominican Republic and Nicaragua. Pricing is set at $15 and it is limited to 2,500 canisters of 12 cigars. Those canisters are designed to look like spray paint cans.
“UR New York is a Brooklyn-based urban art duo comprised of Mike Baca (2ESAE) and Fernando Romero (SKI).”
APPEARANCE:
The cigar is a long way from a stunning appearance. All of the pointy caps are off kilter and lopsided. Seams are clearly visible and either they tighten up during smoke time or unravel. I’ve smoked one stick prior to this review. There is plenty of veinage. Instead of a nice oily wrapper, it is lackluster and dull. Davidoff clearly did not use #9 torcedores.
Lastly, the cigar is very light in the hand. Feels underfilled. We shall see.
And the band…it is bold and pleasant looking, but…I believe it would have been better if they had used some of the artwork these taggers are famous for. Instead, there are two autographs on a background of a city’s skyline. On the upside, no skulls.
SMELL THE GLOVE:
Aromas are so faint, that it seems they have been shamed into hiding. I flare my nostrils and get the cigar halfway up my sinuses.
There is very mild milk chocolate, creaminess, white pepper, a touch of grapefruit, cedar, something slightly sweet, and a scoche of coffee.
The cold draw. The cigar is just too airy. It is like sucking through a 3” diameter straw. So, here is what I taste: creaminess, white pepper, cedar, some non-descript citrus, and barnyard. Well, that was impressive.
Clearly, I did not need my PerfecDraw draw adjustment tool. I’d rather it was too stuffed and needed to clear it.
FIRST THIRD:
99% of the time, a limited-edition cigar is still on the market two years after release because word has spread that it’s a dog turd. My review has the advantage of getting two years of additional aging. Either this helps or puts a magnifying glass on a blend not meant to last or improve.
First puffs are peppery, creamy, and that’s all folks. Strength is very mild.
OK. I just began so I need to be open minded.
Not a fan of mild cigars. My palate interprets them as bland.
Still, not an unpleasant beginning…if your palate is on life support.
The stick burns quickly. Two puffs make half an inch disappear. Maybe it could get an intern job with magician David Copperfield. When I lived in Lake Tahoe in 1984, I managed a band that played clubs. It was my getaway from the recording studio. I met Charlotte. Anyway, one night we were playing midnight to 4am. I’m doing sound. I see Copperfield come into the club, dressed in all black, and roam the entire place. Clearly, he was very coked up. He was there long enough to decide he wanted to be somewhere else. Charlotte had a friend who was Bill Cosby’s companion when he came to Tahoe. She got him all the coke he desired. And he desired a lot.
Back to the cigar…some mustiness appears…always a good sign…if you’re a gopher.
The stick is burning so quickly that it makes me think it wants this to be over as soon as possible to avoid the shaming.
But the burn is even. That’s something.
A touch of lemon citrus…but very watered down.
The previous stick was better in the second half; but compared to the first half, that is nothing to take the high ground and scream victory is ours.
The white pepper is the strongest flavor. A tingling, burning sensation is all my palate endures.
I don’t know what the reviewers who loved it were smoking. Maybe it was a good cigar two years ago. And then it fell off a cliff into a sea of swarming simbas by the time it got to me.
Is the cigar becoming blander? I believe so. If it gets any milder, it will go poof in my hand and vaporize.
Zero complexity. No transitions. The finish is strictly spiciness. Lovely.
Davidoff should have paid me off for a good review. You throw a couple shekels my way and I will give any cigar a stellar rating. Did I say that out loud?
Well, if I paid $15 a stick, I’d be extremely pissed off by now. But at the $4.83 I paid, it’s right on target.
This might be my first 7 x 52 cigar that takes only 35 minutes to smoke.
The flavors are muddled and indistinct. The mild pepper is too strong and covers up any component struggling to break through.
SECOND THIRD:
Well, shit. It took only 10 minutes to smoke the first third. Make me happy.
One story might be that Davidoff allowed the two urban artists to actually blend the cigar.
So far, the only contributing factor to the cigar’s excellence is that the burn is good.
It kills me when I googled the cigar and found some online stores selling this cigar at full price. Don’t do that if you want to get rid of them. Either that or give them away with every purchase of a Quorum fiver.
I now detect exfoliated liver, burnt asparagus heels, ferret kibble, frozen uvulas, and hay.
Strength remains mild. It’s like smoking nothing. But at least it’s in a hurry.
I hit the halfway point after a total of 15 minutes smoked.
This is probably one of the most linear flavored cigars I’ve smoked. Absolutely no change to the flavor profile. Festering one trick pony.
This blend has no redeeming values. It’s expensive. It’s flavorless. And I had to pay for this. I have a whole container of these turds. I don’t know anyone that wouldn’t be offended if I gave them a couple. They’d never speak to me again.
I just looked up the word ‘smegma.’ It seems apt.
Creaminess is raised from the dead. Mild, of course. It helps. I want a raise.
I can’t believe this but I’m getting a nicotine buzz. WTF? How is that even possible?
My highly esteemed job as greeter has allowed me to experience how many people have absolutely no sense of humor. Hey, it’s not like I’m yelling out, “Your clitoris is hanging out!” I work clean. I think my next job will be a gas station attendant in Panama City. If a customer doesn’t laugh, I can set them on fire.
The creaminess runs away. Like I should have.
I want to say fuckshitpisscunt, but it would be inappropriate.
I’m nearing the last third. Might be an all-time land speed record.
I can hear the cigar whispering, “Kill me, just kill me.”
What a waste of my time. And money. Even at $5 a stick, it is an outrageous price for this piece of dog shit.
LAST THIRD:
Clocked at 25 minutes.
The cigar, whose name I shall not mention, is not going to miraculously come to life. It is D.O.A.
I don’t know what I missed that other reviewers found. Maybe the blend was only designed to have flavor for 6 months. But then, the cigar never took off in 2019…so, the cigar was never any good. Yet I saw ratings of over 90 for this drek.
If I could say nothing but good things about every cigar I smoked, I too could have a ton of advertisers. Telling the truth gets me nowhere.
Ahh…Janis is singing “Piece of My Heart.” It gives a lift to my dying spirit.
I have no idea how to rate this cigar. I guess I will do it scientifically and write down 5 different scores on pieces of paper and put them into a hat and just pick.
Honestly, the cigar deserves a big fat zero.
Creaminess teases once again. The spiciness relents a tad. But the strength is still as mild as sucking on a cow’s teat. I milked a cow when I was a teen. Afterwards, I saw the cow smoking a cigarette.
Do I detect actual flavor? Or am I hallucinating from the Fleet enema I just gave myself?
The cigar is now approaching a 45 rated score.
Naturally, the mustiness returns. Finally, a real flavor.
If any of you dear readers buy these cigars, I will come to your house and rape your house mice…in front of you. Or is that meeces?
There is a cart guy at work provided by Goodwill. He walks around all day singing the theme song to “Mighty Mouse.” Reminds me my life could be worse.
And now the best part has arrived…it’s bitter. My mouth and tongue make all sorts of unpleasant gyrations. I down a bottle of mouthwash. The bitterness still breaks through.
With an inch to go, I give up. This is a terrible cigar. I’m surprised Davidoff didn’t recall the cigars. No shame. All about money. Fuck the customer base.
It will take hours of eating sour food to reset my palate.
I took one for the team.
RATING: N/A